Ep. 6 | Are You Holding Yourself Back?
Ep. 6 | Are You Holding Yourself Back?
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Okay, good morning guys. It's beautiful today here in Mississippi. I mean, the sun is out and there was a full moon last night that is still in the sky and it's 35 degrees outside, which is unheard of for the South. It's just beautiful. I'm just super excited about the sunshine today. It's the little things in life, right? I'm just going to talk to you today over a cup of coffee, about some stuff that's on my mind, because that's ultimately what this whole podcast is about. Just for us to talk over a cup of coffee or tea and connect and discuss all things faith, health, motherhood, motivation, mindset, you name it.
Today I want to talk about something a big: Mindset, goals, beliefs. They're basically the essence of who we are, that voice that you have inside your head that shape your choices and actions, your goals, your beliefs, your values, your mindset. All of these, things, they develop your character. They develop the thought process that you use and the way that you portray yourself; the demeanor that you use when you speak. These are just a million different ways to say that.
Recently I was having a deep, difficult conversation with somebody close to me–and basically they claimed to be doing everything possible in a situation but later in that same conversation admitted being held back by fear- Fear of judgment failure or disappointing others. I just want that too marinate with you for a moment.
Here's where I must interject. You're doing everything, but you're holding back? That's a paradox and honesty with yourself is a non-negotiable in my book. It's about doing what resonates authentically, whether that's health choices, relationships, or personal growth. I'm just going to leave that right there for just two seconds–and then I'm going to talk again. Some people might say, okay, yeah, I get it. I'm doing everything I can but I also do feel held back by fear, shame, you know, being judged by other people, whatever. But for me, this is just a huge red flag because I just don't see how you can do both at the same time.
Now, let me clarify. You cannot do both at the same time and be honest with yourself. If you are doing absolutely everything that you can and you are honest with yourself– and it doesn't even matter the situation y'all, like this is the thing if you apply this to any aspect of your life and say, “I'm doing absolutely everything I can”-- are you being true to yourself? I think about this with my health, for example: Am I doing absolutely everything I can to be the best version of myself? Now that is going to look so different for everybody and it is completely up to you because the best version of yourself can only be defined by you. Other people might have their opinions, but ultimately it's up to you, right? In essence, living authentically means asking yourself if you're genuinely giving your all.
It's not about other people's perceptions of you, but your own definition of being the best you. As long as it aligns with you being true to yourself and feeling your best, then I believe you're on the right track. I say all that too because at the same time you cannot sit there and say that you are doing everything that you possibly can and exhausting all of your options if you are also saying that you are holding yourself back. Now the words holding yourself back may not be directly coming out of your mouth, but this can look like so many different things.
If you're afraid of what other people will think and that is controlling your actions, that is still holding you back from doing what you want to do, then you're not doing everything you can. You can still do everything that you want to do and be exhausting all options and still be nervous and afraid of what other people think.
But are you pushing past that discomfort every time? Are you stepping out of your comfort zone? Are you experiencing that growth? That is when I believe that things change. (Now, not all discomfort, guys, I mean, if something's like super uncomfortable and you just don't feel right about it, don't get me wrong, then you know it's not right.) But that's also where I think it's super important to become more familiar with yourself. Get to know yourself and listen to your gut and just know who you are and your values and beliefs and mindset.
If you think that you really are doing everything you can–maybe ask yourself, am I really? And I just relate this back to my own health journey and working out. I dove into online workouts, something that I still do really enjoy. I started that because it was 2020 and gyms were closed, but honestly, I was really clueless about weights. I had always stuck to cardio to avoid really feeling out of place at other gyms that I had joined in the past. I didn't even know what to do with weights, so it wasn't going to go try to learn how to on a machine in front of a bunch of people, because I didn't want anybody talking to me asking me if I needed help, right? So I really did focus on yoga and other body focused exercises.
But in 2020, whenever I decided to really dedicate a lot more effort to revamping my health. This is when I started focusing on weights. I was already gluten-free. Pretty much a sugar-free and processed food free. I already had a fairly clean diet. As a nurse, I was knowledgeable about wellness practices. But ultimately, despite all of these efforts, I just did not see the results that I expected. The number on the scale was not my main concern– I really just wanted to feel better and to eat without discomfort. But I also did notice that that number on the scale was not changing. I worked out consistently but saw minimal progress– and this was over a year and a half or so period of time. Even fellow health professionals that I shared my journey with were pretty underwhelmed and not impressed by the results that I was getting. And that's really, whenever it hit me: that I needed help beyond what I knew. And really not just any help, but the guidance from somebody who had experienced what I had been experiencing and somebody who understood my struggles.
That's also whenever I discovered functional medicine, found other people who could help me and guide me through my health journey and reached out for help. And looking into other modalities that I originally would not have considered– this was such a pivotal moment for me in my health, in my wellbeing, in my spiritual journey–literally every single aspect of my life. I really learned a whole different side of what it meant to be healthy. I come from Mississippi. I have been in Mississippi my entire life, born, raised, and will most likely die here–and I've just accepted that fact. 🫠 But all that to say is that functional medicine is not a common word here. It's not well known. I remember whenever I first started looking into functional medicine and really practicing it, even my family was like, well, “What is that?”. People just don't know what it is here. The healthcare system is very broken and that is a whole other topic that I could rant on and on and on about, but ultimately that is just not what I want this podcast to be here for.
My point is reaching out of my comfort zone and exploring other options that were more holistic, things that I had never heard of or never even thought would help– or could help– different things. Things were things that I just thought, “Okay, that's not going to help me with what I need”. Well, let me tell you guys, if you know what you're looking for and what you're looking for is what you find and it's not working, then that's not it.
You have to be open minded and try new things. So let me tell you, whenever I was like, “Okay, I will do anything at this point”-- when you get so desperate for help, no matter what it is, no matter if it's your health your relationships you know, if you're in school and studying, no matter your circumstances– If you do not surrender at all and just say, “Okay God, lead me to where you want me to be. Tell me what you want me to do”--and you follow that–no matter how absurd it sounds…You will get somewhere. And you will see what it's like to truly do everything that you can and that's when you can find healing.
Whenever I was talking to this person the other day, having this difficult conversation, and they told me that they were doing absolutely everything that they could about what it was we were talking about but then they also said, “but I'm really afraid of what people will think” or “I should know this by now because I'm, this old and it's embarrassing to have to ask somebody”.... You have to get past that and I'm telling you whenever I was having this conversation the other day, all of these things that I'm saying, wish I could have said, wish I had the time to say; All of this has just really been on my heart and feel the need to share it with you because it applies to so many different parts of our lives, especially as moms.
I think that it's so important for you to hear and know that it's okay to ask for help and that it's expected. And you should, and you're supposed to. Being somebody who works with other people–being somebody whose gift is to serve other people and to help other people in so many different ways– I love when people come to me and ask for help. That also can be something that adds a lot to my plate sometimes, right? Sometimes our gifts are what stresses us out the most and sometimes those things that are our gifts are the things that are just so hard for us. But I also think that God puts us in these challenging situations and he does give us a lot more than we can handle because he wants us to call on him more and He wants us to come to him more and ask for help.
All of these thoughts are not that organized: I have tried to organize them as best I can to get them out of my mouth, out of my head, and out to you as clearly as I can. I just really hope that somebody takes something away from this message.
I get pretty fired up whenever I hear people talk and then they contradict themselves. What I am trying to say is you need to be honest with yourself. You deserve that. You deserve to be honest with yourself. That's me seeing the value in you. You should see the value in you too. Have enough dignity and respect for yourself to ask for help from other people when you know you lack.
Because y'all, you sure know, I'm going to ask for help. If I need help on anything, I'm going to ask for help. Are you doing everything that you can to be the best version of yourself? Are you doing everything you can to be healthy, to optimize your health, to heal your gut, to be there for your kids? Are you just taking another medicine to cover up a side effect that one medicine has? Are you really trying to find out what the true issue is that you're struggling with?Or are you just trying to cope with it until you can breathe? As moms, I know we are in survival mode all the time. I am right there with you guys.
Do you do it with grace? Do you take care of yourself?
I just want to leave that with you today. And I'm not saying that I do it with grace all the time, either. This is also a good reminder to myself, but I challenge you to ask yourself, are you pursuing what aligns with your true self? Are you truly giving your health, your relationships and growth the attention that they deserve?
In one of Jay Shetty's recent podcast episodes, he says that “Guilt blocks growth”. This just really hits home for me right now.
The verse that comes to mind in scripture, for me through all of this is Romans 5:3-5. And it says, “Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame. Because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the holy spirit who has been given to us”.
With everything else that I'll leave you with, I challenge you to ask yourself. Are you doing everything that you can do?
If you enjoyed this episode, please leave me a review, subscribe, and share this with somebody who you think would enjoy it as well. If you feel like you're somebody who could have a great conversation with me over a cup of coffee and want to do that with this podcast, I would absolutely love to hear from you and have a conversation. Until next time guys, I'll talk to you later.
Connect with Allison:
Instagram: @allison_and_wellness
Facebook: allisonandwellness
Website: www.allisonandwellness.com
